Forget the plight of pandas, struggle of Sumatran tigers or foreboding of polar bears feeling the heat of climate change. There’s another noble beast balancing on the precipice of extinction…
The morris dancer.
According to national association the Morris Ring, village greens could be devoid of morris dancers within 20 years if action isn’t taken soon.
The unforgettable sights and sounds of full-grown men whacking sticks and jangling bells around a huge erection could be consigned to the history books forever – because today’s youf find it all a bit embarrassing.
Charlie Corcoran, bagman (secretary) of the Morris Ring, told BBC News: “There’s a distinct possibility that in 20 years’ time there will be nobody left.
“It worries me a great deal. Young people are just too embarrassed to take part.
“This is a serious situation. The average age of Morris dancing sides is getting older and older.
“Once we’ve lost this part of our culture, it will be almost impossible to revive it.”
For some strange reason young people think tying ribbons to their legs and waving hankies around to celebrate the collective rebirth of seasonal horniness isn’t cool anymore.
They’d rather head down to a club than bang a fellow dancer’s head with one.
Being brutally honest, it isn’t really surprising they should feel this way. Compared to other countries’ folk traditions, such as the intimidating Haka of the Maori or the sexiness of the Hawaiian Hula, the morris dance is shown up as the embodiment of naffness.
Beardie old goats prancing around a pole to suggest fertility is on the same cultural level as innuendo in a Carry On film. Without the laughs.
Maybe we would be doing ourselves a favour by allowing morris dancing as it is to die. Replacing it with an annual Carry On-themed ritual to herald in summer might make the world think better of us.
Or how about a Benny Hill-style chase around the common with such stock characters as the blond bikini-clad bimbo, dirty old man with a walking stick, nurse and policeman running around to the theme of ‘Yakety Sax‘.
American tourists would flock over in droves to witness such a spectacle.
I, for one, would sign up to take part straight away. It would be hilarious and the perfect way to let off all that seasonal steam.
Of course none of us would get the girls – but with the strange attire of morris men hasn’t that always been the case?
Click on the video below to get an idea of how cool morris dancing really could be…